I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
