The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
