and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
