i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
