I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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