I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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