dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
