You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize