Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
