I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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