I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
