shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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