You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
