I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
