I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I am midnight drunk by noon
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
