I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
