Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
