Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
