DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
