i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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