Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
