i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
