I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
