Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
