why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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