Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think my vagina is haunted
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
