Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize