now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He passed out mid-signature
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
