My friends, they love my intelligence
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
