never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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