Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
