I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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