That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
