The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
