is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
