and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
