It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
