A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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