Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
