I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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