STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
