your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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