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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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