I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Someone shattered a urinal.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
