My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
