He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
