If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
