Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
