Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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