Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
