Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
