I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
