I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
