Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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