Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize