ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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