Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
