Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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