probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
