I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i think my cat just said my name.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
