he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
