Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
