well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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