Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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