Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Farmville is her only friend.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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