Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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