Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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