I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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